The reason men think about sex all the time is because we were made that way. It’s not that we are flawed it’s that we have creative energy and if that creative energy is not directed in a healthy way, it can turn into negative habits, anxiety, addiction or obsession. If this God given creative energy is obstructed, suppressed, bypassed, or not allowed to flow through us it can cause dis-ease, anger, erratic behavior, general douche bag-ness or worse……yes, it comes from hormones and those hormones contain the drive to create, not just offspring but everything. This is an opportunity and our job as men is to direct this energy in a useful, constructive, healthy way.
Everyone knows that women menstruate every month, which naturally slows over time through the aging process. These hormonal cycles are naturally tied to the moon cycles. This is why many native cultures refer to women menstruating as being on their “moon time.” In fact, this is honored in many indigenous cultures. As you may know the moon influences tides around the world. A woman’s moon time is a very powerful time. This is our connection to nature. In fact, it is our nature.
Men too have cycles and we go through highs and lows of hormone function daily, even seasonally. The hormone testosterone wains as we age as well, however much of this is based in part on how we take care of ourselves: what we eat, think, do and whether or not we are connected to our body, whether we feel worthy and good enough. This is often not talked about or even known about.
I’ve been noticing this for many years. My cycles. I cycle through feeling very sexual, vital, energetic, and outgoing to then feeling low, having lots of thoughts, and feeling like I just want to be home. This is when men retreat to the man cave. Through being with and observing this phenomenon, I have learned how to direct this energy or believe me, I would have chewed off one of my arms by now.
Men in this way are misunderstood and often shamed. Women will say things like: “All you think about is sex.” “You only think with your penis.” Men will say things like: “I have needs.” ” I can’t help it, I need sex.” While it seems like these might be true it mostly stems from not understanding the anatomy, physiology and psychology of a man. Actually, men don’t even understand this about themselves. We often misinterpret creative energy as sexual desire. This has been one of mens burdens for a very long time. How do you know the difference? It doesn’t matter. What matters is, what you do when you think you’re experiencing a desire to have sex. What are you actually thinking about? Do you react or take right action? One is an automatic response, the other is mindful action. The second thing is do is to ask yourself what is really going on? So that you’re able to channel that energy in a constructive way otherwise you’re either going to suppress it, which isn’t healthy, or it’s going to come out in an unintended way, like watching porn at 2am.
Most men and some women have no real intimate connection with their own body. So they use and abuse it in various ways that often suppresses or bypasses this energy. Instead of opening up to it, you shut it down by bullying it with sports, work, workouts, overeating, over drinking, over thinking and worrying (anxiety) and generally not taking care of body and spirit. So, how do we take better care of ourselves? Great question.
You practice intimacy. We are sexual beings, but there’s a difference between intimacy and sex. You can be intimate without necessarily having sex. In fact, practicing intimacy for both men and women is not just healthy it will revolutionize your relationships. First and foremost, the relationship you have with yourself. From this alignment to self all other relationships are positively charged. If you and your partner practice intimacy with self first, when you do get together your connection will be off the charts and you may be at risk of setting the house on fire.
To begin the practice of intimacy you relate and coordinate body movement with breath movement for the sake of living in a body as a human being. Not by keeping score or collecting data with repetitions or sets, or miles, but by directing your focus toward experiencing the whole body breathing and moving and resting. This is real Yoga and it is the hope for humanity. To learn more go to: